[22] Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
"Notice that when Paul begins with the wife in verse 22 he's just talked about the Body of Christ submitting itself one to another," explains Louisville, Ohio Preacher Ted Fellows, leading a study at my church's summer Bible conference the other day.
"He says in verse 23, '[23] For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
"The husband is head. The issue of headship is not the idea of bowing to a general or king; it's the issue of leadership. Many times in the world people will twist and distort this issue. They dismiss the roles of marriage because they have no understanding of the Believer's aspect and the truth of God and how the Lord works.
"I'm convinced a lot of the disdain and the setting aside of the role of marriage and the institution of marriage is because so many people have failed at marriage they have no conception of what a real, joyful, Christian, Christ-centered loving marriage is all about.
*****
"In Exodus 18: 21-25 is where the heads are chosen for the nation of Israel as they come out of Egypt and begin their journey. There's three things about the headship: they fear God, they're men of truth and they hate covetousness.
"I Corinthians 11:3 says, [3] But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
"In each one of these three relationships there's oneness. When you think about Christ and God, doesn't it say Jesus Christ 'thought it not robbery to be equal with God'? There's total and complete oneness between the Father and the Son and yet what does the Son do? He voluntarily says, 'I will yield and submit my will to that of my Father and to the plan,' because there's roles to fill and there's a purpose to accomplish. You see the same thing in marriage.
"He says the head of the woman is the man. In marriage, is there equality? Doesn't he say in Galatians 3 that in Christ there is neither male nor female; we're all one in Christ?
"In marriage, two come together and become one flesh but there are roles to fill to accomplish His purpose. The head of the woman is the man. There's a voluntarily entered into role. She is the helpmeet, the servant.
*****
"God the Father exalts His Son and man is to exalt his wife. We see that in Ephesians 5. He presents her to himself holy. And doesn't Jesus Christ take the believing sinner 'and hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus'?
"There's a wonderful oneness and yet . . . when he says 'wives submit yourselves unto your husbands,' there's the Body of Christ. He says, 'For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.'
"Headship is not boss-ism or dictatorial; it's that you're the saviour, the provider, the deliverer of the wife.
"Verse 24 says, [24] Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.' That's not a verse to say, 'What I say goes.' By the way, don't we always say it's important to recognize who the verses are talking to when we rightly divide the Word? Who is verse 22 written to? The wives. It's not a verse for the husband to beat his wife over the head with.
*****
"You know, the wife only has three verses, but the husband has six . The role of the husband is to love his wife. Verse 25 says, [25] Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
"The husband and wife love each other with a different motivation and perspective. Paul says in verse 24 that 'wives be TO their own husband.' The wife gives herself as a gift UNTO her husband. Your love is shown to your husband and he gives himself TO her.
"Isn't that what the Lord tells us in Romans 12: '[1] I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.'
"We give ourselves TO the Lord as a living sacrifice. With the husband, the issue is the sacrificial giving of himself FOR her. The Lord Jesus Christ, as a 'sweet savor,' presented Himself to the Father. How about that for your next marriage seminar? Husbands, here's how you should give yourselves to your wife, wholly and completely like the burnt offering and the typology associated with it.
"Listen guys, as we live our lives and function as husbands, it's not looking at our own things; it's giving ourselves TO God FOR our wife, the way the Lord Jesus Christ gave Himself FOR us.
"Look how the husband is to exalt his wife. Ephesians 5:26 says, [26] That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
[27] That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
"This is the acceptance that we have before God as a saint. Husbands, the unconditional acceptance, even in difficult situations, is vital to understanding these things.
"Paul says, [28] So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
[29] For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
[30] For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
[31] For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
[32] This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
[33] Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
"The foundation is understanding the relationship with the Lord and transferring that into our home life. Not the gimmicks and the formulas and the stories that are told. We need to understand the issue of grace in our life--grace with the Lord and His grace with us--and transfer that into our marriage relationship.
"If you go by the formulas, the tendency is to say, 'Well, if you could just be a little more like that.' You notice the word 'if''?You know what that is? That's the wisdom of words! Paul says the 'preaching of the Cross is the power of God unto salvation,' and he says, 'Lest the Cross of Christ should be made of none effect.' "
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