Writing is definitely a use-it-or-lose-it muscle. As soon as you let up on the gas, the confidence you have to put well-crafted sentences together in an engaging fashion somehow dissipates. You literally start thinking you can’t write what you want the way you want to say it.
I realize I
will never finish my book if I don’t just put the material out there and quit
trying to determine what I think will keep readers reading. I can’t try to cater
or appeal to any type of audience I think might be developing based upon
previous blog entries, etc.
If I had to
name the most prominent memory from my early childhood, the one that never
leaves my head and is often my “foxhole” when I feel life is too hard and I don’t
have the mental fortitude to tackle it, it’s my seemingly “near death”
experience in the Atlantic Ocean.
I was five years
old and swimming in the ocean in Miami Beach with my older brother and sister and my dad.
My dad was leading the way and my brother was somewhere behind him, followed by
my sister and I trailed the pack.
A wave came
and I was struggling to recover and started to really panic, crying out through
the ocean water, “HELP! HELP! HELP!” I remember strongly that I thought I was in grave danger.
To this day,
I don’t know whether anyone half-way heard my cries because no one made any
attempt to come to my aid. No one even turned around!
I remember being able to see my brother and sister ahead of me and wondering why they weren’t saving me from drowning. I had to come
out of what I thought was an overwhelming dilemma and somehow keep swimming.
I tell myself today in different ways when I start to doubt, “Stop the machinery! Stop worrying if what you write is any good or good
enough to keep people interested. Just keep going.”
Here is part
two of yesterday’s post on Nehemiah:
Nehemiah 2: [19]
But when Sanballat the Horonite, and Tobiah the servant, the Ammonite, and
Geshem the Arabian, heard it, they laughed us to scorn, and despised us, and
said, What is this thing that ye do? will ye rebel against the king?
As Richard Jordan explains,
“It’s not just mockery; it’s scorn, it’s ridicule. He says, ‘They can’t do what
they say they’re doing; look how feeble they are. Bunch of ragtags. Do they
think they’re going to make themselves strong? You think that crowd is going to
make the sacrifice necessary to get this job done? You think they’re going to
get this done in just a couple of days?’
“It’s just
pure, ‘You can’t do this.’ By the way, it didn’t look like they could. They didn’t
have the civil engineers and the big Caterpillar equipment. They’re just a bunch
of rag tag guys; little ants picking things up by hand. They look like people
totally unable to accomplish the task and what these big Gentile powers are
doing is they’re looking at them saying, ‘You just can’t get it.’
“Paul said in
II Corinthians 4 that we have this treasure in earthen vessels. Why? [7]
But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power
may be of God, and not of us.
“You know, I
got saved when I was 15 and all I’ve ever wanted to do until now really is to
learn what God’s Word says and tell it to other people. I didn’t start out
saying, ‘Oh, I’ve got this vision to preach.’ That never happened because that
doesn’t happen. People who tell you they had that kind of stuff happen, they
just had too much pizza for supper and didn’t drink enough water before they
went to bed.
“I did have a
burning desire to learn God’s Word and to tell it to other people. But you see
things over the years and I used to think, ‘Lord, that guy’s preaching half a
loaf and the loaf he’s preaching is not even good bread. Here we are over here
with the truth doing things your way, etc., and I wonder why in the world is it
that way?’ I know people struggle with, ‘Why is the Grace Movement so small?’
“You know
what that is? That’s evaluating what we’re doing based upon the way the world
does it. It’s the religious system that puts the yardstick down to see if you’re
moving. The Believer puts the Word of God down and sees if you’re standing.
“But I
learned something about all that one day. My habit had been through the years
that if I had a burning question, I’d put it in the back of my mind and I’d
just read Scripture. And through the years, I’ve learned to just keep reading,
and as you keep reading, you’ll come across a passage that will answer that
question and they’re something strange about the way your mind works. That
question will come up and you’ll say, ‘Hey, there’s the answer to that question
I had three months ago.’
“I was going
through II Corinthians 12 where Paul talks about that ‘thorn in the flesh’ and
how he would ask the Lord to take that away from him:
[7]
And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the
revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan
to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.
[8] For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from
me.
[9] And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my
strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory
in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
[10] Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in
necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am
weak, then am I strong.
“You know
what we don’t want to do? We don’t want to appear weak. We don’t want to appear
weak to ourselves and, God knows, we don’t want anybody else to think we’re weak.
“But where did He say Paul’s strength was made perfect? In our weakness. You know why the Grace Movement looks weak to the religious world? So that it can have the power of God working in it. You follow that?”
Nehemiah 2's ending: [20] Then answered I them, and said unto them, The God of heaven, he will prosper us; therefore we his servants will arise and build: but ye have no portion, nor right, nor memorial, in Jerusalem.